"When you try to lock yourself in, make sure you don't lose your way out."


"I'll probably be home late again," He said, putting a kiss on my forehead, "Work's piling up on me and I need to fix things up in the office. Bye."


I watched him leave without even looking in my eyes. He has been working late for several weeks now and we barely see nor talk with each other recently. He looked tired but everytime I'd watch him on his office ad


I have never tried to break the boundaries which kept us apart. When he was working on his papers late at night, I'd never take a step into his workroom.


Perhaps I didn't want to disturb him. But perhaps I was more scared and hurt that his job has always been at the top of his priority list. I just kept the distance. And lately, he barely comes home at all.


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"Happy Birthday Mom!" I greet my mom with my sweetest smile as I let her blow the candles from the cake I baked. "Make a wish."


"Don't you think I'm too old already to be blowing and making my wishes on my birthday?" she asked.

"Awww, you're still young at heart mom. Just make a wish." I encouraged her.

I tried my best to enjoy my parent's company during that day, from entertaining the guests, keeping watch and playing with my nieces, and serving dishes to everyone. I never tried to let my parents see my uneasiness, especially that this has been the second family gathering where my husband wasn't with me.


I don't want them to worry since I truly understand that he was busy. I just explained to them that he really is, so he can't really come.


"Why won't you just sleep over here just tonight, dearie? Besides, it's already too late at night for you to be going home alone." I heard my mom ask.


"Can I?" I replied enthusiastically, too anticipated to finally be able to sleep in the house where I grew up, after one whole year of marriage.


My phone then rang and I tried to excuse myself. It was my husband.


"I'm home." he said.

I looked at my watch which read 10:35. "Oh, you're earlier than usual. How are you?" I asked. There was a lapse in the reply so I continued, "I've left a meal in the fridge, just warm it when you're hungry. Oh, by the way, my mom invited me to stay over tonight. I hope you don't mind?"


"Just be home safe tomorrow." There was a pause. "Goodnight." He continued. He dropped the line. It was too cold, my body shivered from hearing his voice.


I tried to convince myself he was just probably tired and needed his rest. I heaved a sigh as I cleared my emotions, happy about spending the night with my parents.

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I inserted my key in the doorknob but it seemed the latch wasn't locked. He's still home. It surprised me to see him on his recliner, his eyes closed listening to the music on his earphones.


Probably he took a day-off. Why didn't he tell me?

"I'm home." I said, placing my shoulder bag on the sofa parallel to him. He didn't move. Perhaps he didn't hear me. I went to him and kissed his forehead as I took off one of his earphone. He opened his eyes.


"You look tired." I told him.


Something wrong must have happened in the company.


"Have you eaten your breakfast already?" I asked concernedly. He just closed his eyes and put back his earphone.


"I needed you last night but you weren't home."


I stood astounded. It felt like my blood was flowing out of my body, I was out of words. I didn't know if I should be guilty. Tears then suddenly fell from my eyes.


Why didn't you tell me that you needed me? How should I know?


"I... didn't know. I'm sorry." I clasped my hands. I wanted to blame him for not telling me but I didn't want to make things worse.


"I forgot I still need to do the groceries." I forced myself to speak it without shaking, so that he won't be able to know that I'm crying.

"I'm leaving." I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. Perhaps he did not hear me. Perhaps he did. But I didn't hear a reply. Anger surged through me.


Why does he have to be so far? I gritted my teeth. Why didn't he just tell me that he needed me?


Thoughts ran throughout my mind I feared I could no longer keep my rage and guilt in control. I was blinded by my tears but I just kept walking, not even knowing where to. Not even knowing what for. Not even knowing ...

"How can I tell you I need you when you were so far?" He said. But I never heard.

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It was since that fateful day when he and I no longer talked to each other. We no longer spent time with each other. I didn't try to break the boundary which kept us apart. I just kept the distance.


I wanted to cry at night but tears no longer fell. We still share the same room but his presence was barely there.

I'd cook him his meals but he never ate them. He'd just leave for work without even saying goodbye. He'd come home very late at night, too tired to even kiss me goodnight. I tried to understand. I just tried even when it was so hard to see him fade away.


Even during that day, when I went home after I left the house, I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to be near me again. But I was not given the chance. Before I reached the doorway, he came out and walked past me in a rush.


Perhaps there was an emergency at work.


I wanted to stop him. But I did not. His work is more important than I am.

This house has always been lonely. Perhaps, it must be lonelier to have its mistress silently living in pain. For several times, I'd try to talk to him but he ignores me. It's as if I have ceased to exist. He no longer looks at me in the eyes.


He was at the doorway, tying his shoes. He looked like a child and his head seemed peaceful. But his eyes still looked tired. I crouched before him and tried to play with his hair. He didn't look up but kept on doing his shoelace.


"I miss you." I broke the silence. But silence kept on ringing through my ears. He stood up and I followed him.


I tried to fix his tie but it seemed I was not able to reach him. He was ready to leave.


Then he walked through me. He walked through me as if I was just like thin air. I writhed in pain. This can't be...

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"How can I tell you I need you when you were so far?"


I heard someone speak. I was in a room that was bright with lights. I could hear a silent rythmn. I put my hand on my chest and felt my heart. It sounded like my heart.

There was someone lying on the bed with tubes connected to her body. Beside the bed was the man that spoke. I tried to walk towards him but the distance kept each time I took a step. It was as if I was not moving but he was growing far.


"How can I tell you I need you when you were so far?"


I heard him again, saying the words painfully with his muffled cries. The voice was familiar but I was scared to know who it was. He was holding the patient's hand, he was clasping it with both hands as if he was not going to let her go.


Where?


I tried to move on another step and my eyes finally grew accustomed with the bright lights. My vision cleared. The man speaking ... is my husband.

This can't be.

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It then all became clear to me. That fateful day, that day when I was blinded with my tears ... I died. I was hit by a truck.

This pain. It's haunting me. No...This can't be.


I wanted to scream but no voice came out from my mouth. The lights went dim and I suddenly was alone. I can no longer hear the rythmn of my heart.



No ... From afar there was light, engulfing the darkness, it was coming ... it was coming for me.


"No ... I need to be back... He NEEDS me!" But it was too late. Light has finally taken all of me.
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A/N: Credit me and link this site if you'd like to copy/paste this stuff. Constructive criticisms are welcome.

Disclaimer: This is my original literature. Characters and events are purely fictional and coincidental with real-life individuals. If you still doubt, then you are a victim of paranoia. ~(O_o)v

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